God is beautiful because He is trustworthy.
I know I haven't posted in, well, a month, but this is because I have been learning about the trustworthiness of God firsthand. Let me esplain. No. Ees too much. Let me sum up. (;-D)
Several posts back I shared how absolutely terrified of student teaching I was, simply because I didn't know what was coming next. I'd never before found myself in a situation like this. There were a lot of tears and anxious conversations with close friends and family. I felt incredibly lonely as my friends started to trickle back to Boone and I did not. I understood with my head that God would take care of me, the same way He's taken care of me for the past 22 years, but I did not quite translate that to my heart.
My first day of teaching was strange and not quite a full day because of weather. We let out 2.5 hours early, and I came home tired and in desperate need of some support. What I met with was my family. I was instantly bombarded with questions about my day. This is support, but at the time, it wasn't the type of support I was used to, so I did not recognize it as support, and, well, my parents weren't used to me either.
So, I snapped at my dad as he over-cheerfully asked questions, and roughly put my stuff away and then crawled into pjs and my bed and took a 30 minute nap. When I had taken my nap, I was even more groggy and tired then I had been, so I moped into the kitchen where I had been working on a 1000 piece puzzle before school started, and sat dejectedly at the kitchen table with the puzzle while mom busied herself making dinner. For the next hour at least, I sat and cried while piecing the puzzle together. It was off and on, but I had a nice little pity party. As I sat there, at one point I had been sniffling so much that mom quietly left the kitchen and came back with a tissue box, set it down beside me, patted me on the head, and went back to making dinner.
Over the next several days, in fact the first week, every time Michael called, there was a 73% chance that I was going to cry at least a little while talking to him. He handled it well. Better, in fact, than I deserved. Also, I was consistently tired (still am, thought I've adjusted) and the tiredness didn't help my functioning capabilities and often I felt like I was dragging through life.
This is the beginning of my fourth week and things have changed. They changed long ago, but I wasn't aware of it at all. More important, God has been trustworthy through all of this.
Going into this whole deal, God has provided for me. He provided a cooperating teacher who works in two schools, both under ten minutes from my house so I can live at home and save money instead of having to pay for on campus housing and food and stuff. He has provided a family, my family, as support for when I'm tired and dejected: a mother to silently but caringly issue tissues when I need it, two little sisters who are more than willing to ask me to read books to them, a father who willingly doles out hugs, a brother who is crazy and grown up to the point where I can have intelligent conversations with him.
They don't replace my family at App, but they are the support I need here. Support here includes my church family and KB, my incorrigible best friend who makes bacon creations with me and has Christmas more than a month late with me.
God has also provided for me by giving me rest and sleep when I need it most. He has consistently led me through days that look terrifying, such as conducting the high school for the first time last week, or actually starting to work with a class for the first time, or braving the teacher's lounge for lunch for the first time, or... and I could go on. There have been times in each day where I can blatantly say "Thank you God for answering this prayer, or getting me through this situation."
While God has not always given me what I want, He has consistently given me what I need and what will grow me in my faith and love for Him. I know I've talked a lot about what God has provided for me, so I can definitely say that He is beautiful because I can trust Him to provide for me, but this also points me to something else. If I can trust Him to provide for me, I can also trust Him in everything else. He will continue to do everything that He has promised for me, which is pushing me to love Him every day and every day showing me just a little more of His glory. He has promised many things and has already fulfilled the biggest one. He brought salvation to this earth through His Son's death and resurrection for our sins, in order to bring us to Him.
"He who did not spare His own Son, but willingly gave Him up, how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things."