Tuesday, August 25, 2009

First Day of Classes!

Classes started up today. I've had two already, and am looking at two more, at least. This isn't the final schedule either! It's good to be back in Boone, and even though I'm outside, it's overcast, so it makes it easier to see the computer screen.

Right at this moment, I'm sitting on Sanford Mall watching two different frisbee things happening. One is a large group with a lot of guys, maybe one girl, and the other is David and a girl named Hailey that I just met and Sammi. Sammi and David are RUFers and I think Hailey has potential to be. I'm watching and trying not to get hit with the hacky-sack that is being bopped around by two guys. They're fairly good. It is wet, but that's ok. I'm sitting on a notebook. The clouds look like they could either break up, or start raining. We'll see which happens.

My next class is astronomy, so, for the first time in my life, I get to really study the stars. The book looks like a bunch of rubbish, but that's ok, I guess, because I know the real way the universe started. I just hope that there isn't too much math. I don't care for math. Eh. It will be my first time in the CAP building, which is the Chemistry/Astronomy/Physics building. It'll be interesting. I just hope I can find the right room number.

I'm very excited about the fact that I got into the low strings class that I needed. It's an answered prayer. I just hope this next one works out. It's a class that happens every other fall, so I could technically take it next fall, but I really don't want to miss it this fall if it does happen this fall. It's a whole big screwed up mess. w00t!

Pray that I get a job. I need one.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Jack Sparrow Foolish

Note to self:

Blowing on cabinet doors does not shut them. Nor does puffing on a sail in a sail boat move the boat. It just makes you look a lot like Cap'n Jack Sparrow trying to put out a fire.

Looking silly is never a very good thing, but feeling silly, feeling foolish never helps one's countenance. I'm feeling a little bit foolish. I suppose though, that comes from being tired and human. My last post, you know, the one about being nervous? I'm still nervous. But, I keep forgetting that I don't have to do it all on my own. I get most nervous when I think I have to do everything on my own. When I think I have to face each day by myself, I get very very nervous. Everything I do is like blowing on a cabinet door to get it to shut. Thank God that I don't have to blow a cabinet door shut. Thank God that I don't have to blow myself along in a sailboat with just the weakness of my breath. Thank God that He is my strength, that He is the one who scatters the wind on the earth, the one who creates the storm and calms it all at the same time.

I forget to pray that He would calm the storm in my heart, in my stomach. I'm so weak, weary, and utterly vulnerable. I have to believe that He's doing this for a reason, but I so hate being human, especially when it means that I can't take care of the problem myself. One would think that I normally style myself as a god, if suddenly feeling weak and vulnerable, helpless, makes me this uncomfortable.

God, please help me. Give me the strength to worship you with everything I have. I'm so human. But you made me this way, and you made me this way for a reason. Please help me to glorify you with my weaknesses. I love you in my tiny selfish way, I love you because you loved me first, and I don't know how to love you any other way, but please, please, let me radiate, shine, glow with your radiance, with your Glory. I want to be like Moses. I don't know what I'm doing, but I want to be like Moses. Please.

2 Corinthians 4:7-12 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."*

May God use me to shine His light on the darkened mountains around me.

Th-th-that's all folks!

*Thank you, Patrick, for the verses that helped me pull myself together.

Friday, August 7, 2009

nervous? yes.

I am unusually nervous about heading back to school. God is gracious. He has taught me so much this summer, and I'm so eager to continue learning whatever He has to teach me, but it's so hard sometimes to actually do what I know I should do, what He wants me to do. I'm almost afraid that I'll not be the person I'm supposed to be. I don't want to be afraid of being as close to being 100% me. If I'm worshiping God with everything I have, then I will be close to being 100% me. I'm nervous. Pray that God will show me His grace and mercy as I struggle through worshiping Him with everything that I try to do.