Saturday, August 15, 2009

Jack Sparrow Foolish

Note to self:

Blowing on cabinet doors does not shut them. Nor does puffing on a sail in a sail boat move the boat. It just makes you look a lot like Cap'n Jack Sparrow trying to put out a fire.

Looking silly is never a very good thing, but feeling silly, feeling foolish never helps one's countenance. I'm feeling a little bit foolish. I suppose though, that comes from being tired and human. My last post, you know, the one about being nervous? I'm still nervous. But, I keep forgetting that I don't have to do it all on my own. I get most nervous when I think I have to do everything on my own. When I think I have to face each day by myself, I get very very nervous. Everything I do is like blowing on a cabinet door to get it to shut. Thank God that I don't have to blow a cabinet door shut. Thank God that I don't have to blow myself along in a sailboat with just the weakness of my breath. Thank God that He is my strength, that He is the one who scatters the wind on the earth, the one who creates the storm and calms it all at the same time.

I forget to pray that He would calm the storm in my heart, in my stomach. I'm so weak, weary, and utterly vulnerable. I have to believe that He's doing this for a reason, but I so hate being human, especially when it means that I can't take care of the problem myself. One would think that I normally style myself as a god, if suddenly feeling weak and vulnerable, helpless, makes me this uncomfortable.

God, please help me. Give me the strength to worship you with everything I have. I'm so human. But you made me this way, and you made me this way for a reason. Please help me to glorify you with my weaknesses. I love you in my tiny selfish way, I love you because you loved me first, and I don't know how to love you any other way, but please, please, let me radiate, shine, glow with your radiance, with your Glory. I want to be like Moses. I don't know what I'm doing, but I want to be like Moses. Please.

2 Corinthians 4:7-12 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."*

May God use me to shine His light on the darkened mountains around me.

Th-th-that's all folks!

*Thank you, Patrick, for the verses that helped me pull myself together.

1 comment:

  1. Ah yes... one of my biggest problems, kinda like how we both have to have the cabinet doors closed. ;-)

    We're in this together, girlie. You, me, and God. Ain't that cool?