It's probably a good thing that so few people read this, because today I had an amazing revelation. If you're sure you want to read on, please do so, but for those who aren't sure where their hearts lie, it might be a good thing to go back to wherever you came from and not bother your heads about it any more. Now for the revelation.
The truth is, I discovered today, almost for the first time, that I am incredibly insecure.
I'm not so insecure when I look at the way I interact with people on a day to day basis, but when it comes especially to guys, I'm highly insecure. I look at the guys around me and think, they can't possibly look at me that way.
Part of me though, after today, and all the glorious weather (it's amazing what a sunny day can do to a person) and hanging out with friends is ok with this. It doesn't bother me terribly, this realization that I'm really insecure, but it doesn't make me happy either. Sure, I wish guys would be good at telling a girl they like that she's pretty. Sure I wish I had a guy who looked at me like that. Will I ever? Probably not. I can, however, do my best to make others feel special and loved. I guess that's what friends are for.
I really, really understand this post. I'm not necessarily insecure when it comes to guys... but lately I've realized I'm very insecure when it comes to needing popularity and people to 'like' me. And not just any people, but the right people. It's stupid, really.
ReplyDeleteAnd I find it ironic that you and another friend of mine posted on a quasi-same subject. :P God must be trying to get a point through to me or something... http://elraen-fragileontheinside.blogspot.com/2009/02/fragile-on-inside.html
You know, I think we're all like that, and girls probably more so. I know I'm like that, but since I know it, and I know it's stupid and doesn't matter, I just forget about it. :-)
ReplyDeleteBut y'know what? Any time I catch myself thinking, "I wonder what that person thinks about me. Do they really like me like they act like they do?" I can always say, "Even if they don't, Hana does, and God sure does. I'm ok." So thanks. :-)
And of course, the most important par that I totally left out: The biggest problem is focusing on ourselves. If we would just focus on everyone ELSE instead, not only would we not be thinking about what they're thinking about us as much, but we would actually be more assured of them liking us, as weird as that sounds.
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