Thursday, February 12, 2009

Amazing Insecurites

It's kinda odd how life works. I think God was confirming that it was okay to be content with my insecurities. Sunday morning, after I wrote that last blog, my pastor talked basically about loving people.

I was all concerned about what people thought of me, and as a girl, I'm concerned, worried about how guys view me. People have said that, in order to be lovable, you need to love. Pastor Berry said something similar, yet more profound on Sunday. His basic point was that my ability to truly love, depends on how dependent I am on God. If I combine both ideas, in order to be lovable, I need to love, and in order to love, I need to be completely dependent on God. I need to constantly remember how Jesus loved me, and that God provides for my every need. If I try to love people, I'm only human. I will fail to love people unless I love with the love that God gives me. God's love is infinite, and as I am filled up with His love, I am filled up to love others. As God pours into me, I can pour into others.

My insecurities are amazingly helpful in this too. The reason is because when I realize that I'm not right, when I'm not perfect, I can realize that He is right and perfect, and that He is the one that I am representing. The fact that God chooses to use broken, insecure people to show His glory among the world, the sinner reaching out to the sinner, saying, "I might be insecure about myself, I might not like myself very much, I might think I'm not great, but God, He's--He's, like, WOW. He's powerful and mighty and He loves me, even if I don't love myself, and He thinks I'm great because His son died for me! DIED for ME! Me who decided before I was born that He wasn't worth my time. Me who killed him through my sin. He died for ME. God's amazing."

Thank God for His mercy and grace, because I don't have much or any of it.

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