For Josh Bennet, Mondays were especially trying. He never could get the hang of Mondays, the same way Arthur Dent could not get the hang of Thursdays.
This particular Monday morning was something to behold. After accidentally sleeping in and through his alarm clock's warnings, Josh found him self being dragged out of bed. He wasn't entirely sure just who was dragging him from his bed, but he didn't like it.
His sleep had been wonderful and he'd been having the nicest dream, though the fact that he'd been dreaming about pink bunny slippers and green people with gills, will leave some people wondering at his sanity.
As he grasped at his bed sheets, his mind grasped at something else. It was an important day. Or something of that nature. At least he thought it was an important day, but the way he had been dreaming left him wondering if he was correct.
As what-ever-it-was dragged him out of bed, his brain grasped at every possible reason for this rude awakening and when it flitted past the fact that he vaguely remembered his alarm clock ringing he let go of the sheets he was holding so tightly onto suddenly and promptly found himself on the floor, eyes wide open and his hair, which was long and rather curly, flying wildly about his head.
"Crap!" he said suddenly and without much brilliance as he stared up into the face of his older brother.
"Come on, lazy lump!" his brother snarled. "It's way past due for you to get up!"
"What time is it?" Josh asked, afraid of the answer.
"Almost eight o'clock."
"Crap!!" Josh said with even more urgency as his brain scrambled to figure out why eight o'clock was so dreadfully important. When it lighted upon an appointment at eight thirty with his new boss, his body took control and he scrambled to his feet. "I gotta get ready!" he said, flying about his room, grabbing miscellaneous socks, a shirt, a pair of pants and several other articles of clothing before he raced out of his room to the bathroom down the hall, his brother looking on very amusedly.
Ten minutes later he sat in his car, slamming his fist on the dashboard. It wouldn't start. Some genius had left the car door open a crack and the lights had drained the battery.
His hair, still a wild mess, Josh pulled out his cell phone and slowly dialed the number his boss had given him.
"Hello?" sounded his boss's voice on the other end.
"Hi, Adam, it's Josh."
"Oh hey, Josh, what's up?"
"I won't be able to make it to the appointment today. I slept right through my alarm...either that, or it never went off, and then when I got out to my car just now, it won't start. My brother woke me up before he left for work, so I have no one to jump start the car because all the neighbors are gone too."
"Oh, well, you realize that your keeping your job depended on this meeting."
"Yes, sir, I understand that sir, but there's really nothing I can do."
"Well, I'm sorry for you Josh, you looked like you'd fill this role really well. I'll possibly see you later."
"Ok." Josh heaved a sigh as the other end of the line hung up.
There went his job. He'd have to remember to murder the genius who used his car last and left the door open. Oh wait... After realizing the implications of that, he quickly abandoned them. Maybe he could just maim his alarm clock instead.
That sounded like a better idea.
As he climbed the stairs to his empty apartment again, his feet dragging, whatever it was that was biting him in the rear today, dumped another truck load on his head. Or his feet, as it turns out.
He tripped.
Yes, dear reader, he fell up the stairs.
Because he wasn't expecting this and his mind was elsewhere, his hands came out at the last minute. Despite this, his forehead hit the hard metal edge of the step and his fingers screamed as they suddenly found themselves recipients of a rather large weight.
As Josh scrambled up, holding his head, he continued on his way to his room, only to realize that his shins hurt too. Curses. This Monday was not happening the way he wanted it to, but then when did Mondays or any days of the week ever listen to him?
When he finally got to his apartment, he dug about for his keys and inserted them in the door, the neighbor's dog setting up a din. Drat the dog. He set his keys down upon the entrance table and shrugged out of his coat, only to find that he'd had something smeared on his hand, and because of that, on his coat.
He looked up to see that his forehead was bleeding--quite freely.
Twenty minutes later found him slumped on the sofa, bandaged forehead, ice on his shins, watching some stupid TV program. He'd tried to make soup, some of the stuff in a cup that you simply warm up, but had managed to heat it so much that when he went to sip it, he burnt his tongue.
He'd changed out of his appointment clothes for something better suited to moping around the house and that's where twenty minutes later found him. That's also when his doorbell rang.
He rose stiffly and shuffled his way to his door. He peered out the peephole before deciding that the disfigured figure outside his hole was probably his girlfriend. He could use some cheering up. He opened the door and grinned widely down at her.
"Hi Jade!"
"Josh..." she trailed off, oblivious to his bandaged forehead.
"Come in won't you?" he said gesturing behind him.
"I can't." She said, sounding desperate. "I have to tell you something Josh. I have to end our relationship. It's not going anywhere. I've had enough."
Comprehension came slowly to our thick witted friend as Jade desperately raced through her speech. She didn't love him anymore. Heck, she hadn't felt anything for him for quite a while, but had been desperately hoping that she was wrong. But now she had decided that she really didn't feel anything, so it was time to break things off.
"You're...you're breaking up...with me?" Josh asked her breaking into her long winded speech.
"Yes, Josh, who else?" she asked, looking everywhere but at him.
Josh leaned heavily on the door frame. He never could get the hang of Mondays.
"So...I guess I'll see you around..." Jade trailed off again and then without looking at him, turned and walked towards the elevator.
"You...you might want to take the stairs," Josh called after her. "The elevator takes the longest time." He took a step into the hall as a bright idea struck him. "Please tell me this is an "any-day-but-April-fools-day" joke!" He called as she pushed the button for the elevator.
Jade looked at him and then up at the light that indicated the elevator was there that wasn't on and then at the stairwell. Without answering him, she headed for the stairwell and out of his life.
Lovely.
Josh headed back into his apartment and back to his seat on the couch. He couldn't pay attention to the TV any longer. He needed sleep. Maybe he could wake up and it would all be a bad dream. Vaguely thoughts of green people with gills flitted through his head. He shuddered and then wondered at his sanity.
With the frailty of a man twice or three times Josh's age, he heaved himself out of his couch and headed for his bedroom. Sleep. Yes. Sleep. That would make things all better.
The next thing Josh knew, he found him self being dragged out of bed. He wasn't entirely sure just who was dragging him from his bed, but he didn't like it. And the vicious cycle starts all over again...
Mondays are like this, he thought sleepily to himself just as his brain registered the fact that he'd been dreaming of sleeping through his alarm clock and probably had.
The end
