To marvel in His goodness, or God is Good, part 4

All of life should be about marveling in God's goodness, and sometimes it is, but as human beings, we so easily miss God's goodness because we are so blind to it. And yet God is gracious and He gives us times where He is so very good to us that we simply cannot miss it. First to Adam and Eve for not smiting them on the spot when they disobeyed His one command. And then to Noah by saving him AND his family. And then to Abraham by not only giving him a child in his old age (100!) but also through that child and his children growing Abraham into a nation from which the whole world would be blessed through a Savior.

There are so many other stories of God's amazing goodness to humankind through the Bible, and even in today's history, from the Chilean miners, to the gift of life that happens every day a baby is born, to the three weddings I've gone to in the past week, all of them emphasizing that God needs to be the center of the marriage.

God is good, and I know this. He's "not tame, but He's good." And recently my Savior, my God, my Father, has been more than good to me. He has blessed me with family and friends that love me, with a good home and life, food on the table every day, two jobs, both of which I actually enjoy, and so much more. I am a sinner deserving only of death, but I enjoy all of this not only because of God's grace and goodness, but because His Son died for me, making me a child of God. Of this I have to remind myself daily or I will easily fall into making the blessings an idol and not worshiping the God who gave them to me.

As of tonight, one week ago exactly, God saw fit to bless me in the best way possible to date.

On New Years Eve of all days, as we were getting ready to usher the new year in, Michael asked me to marry him, to spend the rest of my life with him, getting to know him, and pursuing God together. I, of course, said yes. Twice. With a squeak in the last one.

Now this amazing man that I am going to marry didn't just do it any old way, he did it in probably the best way possible. New Years Eve my mom had invited not only my Aunt and Uncle over with their three kids, but also three families that I've grown up with, over to our house for a New Years party.

After the end of a group game we'd been playing, Michael disappeared, and when he reappeared, it was to drag everyone in the house who would come into the dining room (where I sat wondering what in the world he was up to) with my guitar in hand. He looked at my 17-year-old brother and his best friend and asked for their help in singing a song. When they learned what song it was, they said yes automatically. So, with my brother and his best friend singing background, Michael looked at me and began to sing the song "You'll always be my best friend" by RelientK. It's short and sweet, and I'll put a link to it at the bottom of this post. At this time, it is my favorite song. After he had finished the song, he thrust the guitar at my Dad, told the gathered crowd, "This song is dedicated to my girlfriend who will always be my best friend," and then came over to where I had gotten up to give him and thank you hug.

He took the hug and then stepped back to look at me and said something along the lines of, "I know we haven't really been able to talk about this openly, and I know this has been hard on you and I hope we can talk openly after this, but I wanted to let you know that I love you, and ask you if you would do me the honor of marrying me." At which point he dropped to one knee and pulled out a box with the prettiest, most sparkly ring I'd ever seen. I squeaked yes twice, once before he got the box out, and once after he got the box out. And then we were hugging (because of course, no kissing until we're married [mutual choice here]) and he was putting the ring on my finger and everyone was surrounding us and congratulating us, and I was desperately trying to figure out where I'd put my phone so I could find it and call my best friends.

It took about 5 minutes to get out of the press of people surrounding us, at some point in which my mom grabbed me and said "Maybe you should go for a walk and cool down, be alone, or something," and I fervently agreed. After I managed to scramble out of all the people in search of my phone, I headed up stairs to look for it, only to realize that I desperately needed to throw up. Never fear, I made it to the toilet, but it was interesting to head back downstairs with my phone and be able to tell Michael after he got off the phone with his parents that sorry my breath smelled funny, but I'd just gone and thrown up.

We left to take a walk, reveling in what had just happened, and calling friends and relatives. My best friends thought it was fantastic news, Michael's sister thought he was pulling her leg and had to be convinced that he was serious.

But here's the most amazing fact: this is just the start. This crazy, amazing story I've just told is just the start. God blessed me amazingly that night, but he continues to bless me in new and different ways every day. It is amazing that he would deign to stoop and bless this sinner with not only a relationship with the most wonderful man I've ever met, but that he would allow the two of us to at some point become a representation to the rest of the world of what Christ and his bride are to look like in the unity of marriage. Wow!

So please pray that because I know God is good, that I would continue to live it. That I would never forget the goodness that God has shown me, through first, sending his son to die for me, and second, for blessing me with the opportunity to marry a man who is completely and amazingly unlike any other man in the world.

God is very, very good. Much more than I deserve. Now to serve him and love him for it.

~H

PS Here is the link to the song.

Bride? Yes please!

So, you know that saying that roughly goes like this: "A girl's heart should be so wrapped up in God that a guy has to seek God to find her"?

It seems like a great quote. It's nice and fluffy and offers hope to any girl out there who thinks that romance is not going to ever be part of her life. It also seems to encourage the girl to pursue her creator who loves her more than any guy ever would, or could. I thought this for a long time.

Recently while talking with a friend of mine, she mentioned that she had brought up that saying while trying to counsel one of her friends in what her friend thought might be a hopeless romantic endeavor, and little red flags went up in my head. The only reason they did was because I had once had someone tell me the same thing. I'm not saying I had disastrous results with it, but there were some cautions I would give to anyone who tried to follow the sayings advice.

First my own experience with the saying. You might have read previously on this blog how I am a hopeless romantic, and in my freshmen year of college I became aware that the romance in my life was probably not going anywhere any time soon. I became despondent and depressed, worrying more about why guys weren't taking an interest in me that what my Savior thought of my moods.

So, I heard this saying from a couple different places and thought it was really a lovely idea. I swore off of guys and hoped that if I pursued my Savior, he would bring romance into my life. Let me say that again. I hoped that if I pursued my Savior, he would bring romance into my life. If you haven't already caught it, there's a problem with that statement. I was pursuing God to get an end that I wanted and not an end that my Savior wanted for me.

Now the good news is that God honored even that small misguided pursuit of him and drew me towards him, finally showing me that he was all I would ever need, no matter what. What I wish I'd done differently is just pursue God for who he is and not what he could have done for me.

So to those young women out there, I would caution you about that saying. Pursue God, yes. Bury your heart in his, yes. But don't do it with the hopes of an amazing romance on the horizon. What you will find instead is the most amazing romance of your life. The God of the universe, the one who spoke it into being, and yet cares about even the tiniest of life forms, knows you deeper than you even know yourself, your brokenness, your ugliness, your valid reasons for being unlovable, and yet loves you way more than you could ever know. He has died to bring you into a relationship with him. And it's not like we as sinners wanted relationships with him. Imagine the best romance you can and then times it by 1000 at least.

I'm trying to say with words that which is unsayable. Girls, it's okay to struggle with the fact that a God who is infinitely glorious and holy would love you. I struggle with it myself. But never stop preaching the gospel to yourself. In time you'll come to see him better and love him more and believe that he loves you as well. I am praying for each of you as you read this that you might see him who is more beautiful than you can imagine.

To all my girl friends out there who have been struggling with romance, your bridegroom awaits. All you have to do is walk down the isle. :)

~H

God is Good, part 3, or On Peeling a Sunburn

I went to the beach on Saturday with my sister and a mutual friend of ours. I've been lifeguarding so much this summer that I have a fairly decent tan, though, as I've been telling people it's not my cute suit tan. Well, after this Saturday, I no longer have a guard suit tan. I have a cute suit sunburn that is turning into a tan.

Now why bring up a sunburn? Well, I started peeling yesterday. And because I started peeling, I started thinking about snakes and their shedding their skin. The way my brain works, I automatically started thinking about my favorite part in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the third book in the series, The Chronicles of Narnia, by CS Lewis. Many of you probably have already guessed which part that is. As it is, I'd like to put some of it here.

Eustace has been turned into a dragon, and when he appears at camp a boy again, he tells Edmund what happened. How a lion found him and let him up a mountain to a well where Eustace thought he could bathe and soothe the pain of the golden arm band that was hurting his dragon arm because it was made for a human. Eustace tells Edmund,

"The water [in the well] was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the lion told me I must undress first. Mind you, I don't know if he said any words out loud or not.

"I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that's what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after an illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.

"But just as I was going to put my foot into the water I looked down and saw that it was all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as it had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this under skin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe.

"Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, o dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good.

"Then the lion said -- but I don't know if it spoke -- You will have to let me undress you. I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know -- if you've ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away.

"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off -- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt -- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been. And there I was smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me -- I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on -- and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment."

The thing I love about this, is that Eustace says that when he was peeling of his skin it didn't hurt him. He only felt proud of himself. But when Aslan (because we all know the lion was Aslan) went and undressed him it hurt like crazy, but Aslan only had to do it once. It probably would have taken Eustace just about forever to get to the point that Aslan did in one go.

The whole moral of all this peeling is that, no matter how much I try to change myself and recognize my sinfulness by myself, I won't be able to change. It takes Aslan sinking his claws into my selfishness and sin to make it go away, and it probably will hurt like the dickens, but it's the only way forward. In the end it's good. Aslan is not a tame lion, but he is Good.

For that, if only for that, I am glad I got burned and started peeling. God is good.